You made me cry and you don't even care
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
