He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
