She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
