why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
