I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
