I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
