When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
