the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
