did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
