I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
