Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize