If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
