Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
