Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
