So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
