ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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