Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
