Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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