i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
