don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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