I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
