I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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