So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
