you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
