Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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