I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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