um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
