Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're too hungover to prance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
