I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
