Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is Oprah even human
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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