I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
