She went from zero to smokin in five shots
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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