why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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