i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
