why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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