i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
