I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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