I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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