The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
