Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
