someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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