Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
