dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
