What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
