So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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