paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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