I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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