apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
