I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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