I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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