From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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