It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
