I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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