I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
