I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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