I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
