If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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