Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
