Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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