im having a threesome with these popsicles
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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