Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
