i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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