Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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