Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
