I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sarcasm needs its own font
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
