Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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