The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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