sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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