the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
