Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The Olympian is in my bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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