Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
