So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
