well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
