i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
