We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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