What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
