ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
