She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
