You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
