I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
