Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
