There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
