Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize