im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
