If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
