So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize