Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
