I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
