break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize