if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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