I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
