That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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