How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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