I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
