It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize