Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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