This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
