Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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