atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
