apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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