watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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