she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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