we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm like, not good at living.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
