So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can text with my tongue
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
