Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
