Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
