I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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