oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
