ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
